12 Types of Toxic People and How to Spot Them

Do you have a toxic person in your life?

Draining, unsupportive, and difficult people are one of life’s greatest challenges.

In this post, I want to talk about how you can spot, stop, and deal with the toxic people who come into your life. You deserve to have people in your life that you enjoy spending time with, that support you, and that you LOVE hanging out with.

Watch our video below to learn the types of toxic people:

What is a Toxic Person?

A toxic person is someone whose behavior adds negativity and upset to your life. These individuals thrive on creating drama, spreading negativity, and draining the energy and happiness of those around them. They are often characterized by their lack of empathy, constant need for attention, and tendency to manipulate or harm others for their gain.

Toxic people can come in many forms and can be found in all areas of life—whether it’s a colleague who constantly undermines you, a friend who always brings you down, or a family member who manipulates your emotions.

Here’s the problem: Guilt

Whenever I talk about toxic people, the same categories seem to crop up over and over again:

• Friend by History: This is a person whom you have known forever. Maybe you went to elementary school together, or you were neighbors growing up. Now you feel guilty ending the relationship. 
• Friend by Proximity: This is a person who comes as a package with someone else in your life. Maybe it’s your partner’s best friend, or your friend’s brother who always tags along, or your best friend’s childhood friend. You feel guilty because you don’t want to put your person in an awkward situation.
• Friend by Context: This is a person who you see all the time in a specific area of your life–someone you work with everyday… someone on your flag football team… someone who lives across the hall. You feel guilty brushing them off because you see them all the dang time.

Sometimes these relationships are casual, but other times they can grow rotten. You end up keeping someone in your life who is jealous or has a totally different set of ethics, and that is when they become toxic.

The 12 Types of Toxic People

I have identified 12 types of toxic people. These can be helpful in identifying the different types of toxic people to watch out for:

The Conversational Narcissist

Have you ever been talking to someone who keeps interrupting you? Maybe I should revise that sentence: have you ever been trying to talk to someone who won’t let you get a word in? Conversational narcissists LOVE to talk about themselves—or just hear themselves talk.

They don’t ask you any questions, they don’t wait for your responses, and they won’t shut up. In a relationship, these people will end up being completely self-centered, and will never be attentive to your needs.

Things a Conversational Narcissist Might Say:

• “Enough about you, let me tell you about my day!”
• “Oh, that reminds me of when I…”
• “I know exactly how you feel, because I…”

How to Handle a Conversational Narcissist:

• Set Boundaries: Politely interrupt and steer the conversation back to a balanced exchange. You can say something like, “I’d love to hear more, but can we first finish what I was saying?”
• Ask Direct Questions: Keep the focus on a two-way dialogue by asking them specific questions about what you were discussing. For example, “What do you think about this particular aspect?”
• Limit Interaction: If possible, limit your time with them to avoid feeling drained. It’s okay to prioritize your own mental well-being (and it’s TOTALLY worth it!).

For example, Kanye West has often been cited as a conversational narcissist, according to Shaquille O’Neal^{1 https://www.marca.com/en/lifestyle/celebrities/2022/11/20/637981b9e2704e0bbd8b45c8.html} . 

You can see this behavior during the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards when Kanye interrupted Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech to declare that Beyoncé had one of the best videos of all time:

The Strait Jacket

The straitjacket is someone who wants to control everything and everyone around them. They want to be in charge of what you do, what you say, and even what you think. You know the person I am talking about—they freak out when you disagree with them, and won’t stop trying to convince you that they are right and you should do what they say.

In a relationship, this person will give you no breathing room and will constantly nag you until you are in complete alignment with them. Be careful, these people will go after your emotional, conversational, and mental freedom until you have nothing left. Get out while you can!

Things a Strait Jacket Might Say:

• “You should do it my way if you want it done right.”
• “Why don’t you ever listen to me?”
• “You need to change how you think about this.”
• “I know what’s best for you.”

How to Handle a Strait Jacket:

• Assert Your Boundaries: Clearly state your limits and stick to them. Let them know what behavior you will not tolerate. For example, “I appreciate your input, but I need to make my own decisions.”
• Maintain Independence: Keep your own interests, hobbies, and social circles. Don’t let them isolate you or control all aspects of your life. Spend time with supportive friends and engage in activities that make you happy.
• Seek Support: Talk to friends, family, or a professional who can provide perspective and support. It’s important to have a support system outside of the straitjacket’s influence.

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Intense Jealousy: They are jealous of your relationships with others, trying to control who you spend time with.
• Inflexibility: They refuse to compromise or consider your opinions, insisting that their way is the only way.
• Isolation Tactics: They try to cut you off from friends, family, or activities that don’t include them, making you more dependent on them.

The Emotional Moocher

An emotional moocher is also known as a “spiritual vampire,” because they tend to suck the positivity out of you or bleed you emotionally dry. These are the people who always have something sad, negative, or pessimistic to say. In conversations and relationships, they can never see the positive, and tend to bring everyone down with them.

If you’re with someone and they only have bad things to say whenever you see them, watch out; it might not get better.

Things an Emotional Moocher Might Say:

• “Nothing ever goes right for me.”
• “You won’t believe how awful my day was.”
• “Why does this always happen to me?”
• “I just can’t catch a break.”

How to Handle an Emotional Moocher:

• Set Emotional Boundaries: Politely limit the time you spend listening to their complaints. You can say politely, “I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, but I can’t talk about this right now.”
• Encourage Solutions: Guide the conversation toward problem-solving. Ask, “What do you think you can do to improve the situation?”
• Stay Positive: Maintain your own positive outlook. Share uplifting thoughts and steer conversations towards more positive topics.

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Constant Complaining: They rarely have anything positive to say and focus on the negative aspects of every situation.
• Energy Drain: You feel emotionally exhausted and drained after interactions with them.
• Victim Mentality: They consistently see themselves as victims of circumstance, never taking responsibility for their own happiness.

Eeyore is a classic example of an emotional moocher. His constant negativity and pessimism can drain the energy of everyone around him. Eeyore often makes remarks that highlight his sadness and misfortune, such as “Oh well, I suppose I’ll just keep walking” and “It’s not much of a tail, but I’m sort of attached to it.” While he is a beloved character, his perpetual gloominess is a textbook case of an emotional moocher:

The Drama Magnet

Some toxic people are magnets for drama. Something is always wrong. Always. And of course, once a problem is solved, another one emerges. And they only want your empathy, sympathy, and support–but not your advice! You offer help and solutions, but they never seem to want to fix anything. Instead, they complain and complain.

In a relationship, drama magnets are victims and thrive in a crisis, because it makes them feel important. If someone is a beacon for adversity, watch out, you might one day become part of the drama.

Things a Drama Magnet Might Say:

• “You won’t believe what happened to me this time!”
• “Why do these things always happen to me?”
• “I just can’t catch a break, everything is a disaster!”
• “I need to vent, my life is falling apart!”

How to Handle a Drama Magnet:

• Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your limits. For example, “I can listen for a few minutes, but I can’t get deeply involved right now.”
• Encourage Action: Shift the focus to solutions. Ask, “What steps can you take to improve this situation?”
• Stay Neutral: Avoid getting emotionally involved. Offer empathy without being drawn into the drama, such as, “That sounds tough. Have you considered any solutions?”

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Constant Crisis: They always have some sort of drama or crisis happening in their life, and it never seems to resolve.
• Victim Mentality: They see themselves as perpetual victims of circumstance and rarely take responsibility for their own role in the issues.
• Refusal to Change: Despite receiving advice and support, they never seem to take steps to improve their situation, preferring to stay in a state of crisis.

The JJ

A JJ is a jealous-judgmental person. My friends and I can spot a JJ from a mile away, and I want to show you how to as well. Jealous people are incredibly toxic because they have so much self-hate that they can’t be happy for anyone around them.

And typically, their jealousy comes out as judgment, criticism, or gossip. According to them, everyone else is awful, uncool, or lacking in some way. If someone starts to gossip jealously about other people, watch out, this might be a toxic person—and you never know what they say about you behind your back.

Things a JJ Might Say:

• “Did you hear about so-and-so? They think they’re so great, but…”
• “I can’t believe they got that promotion. They don’t deserve it.”
• “She’s just lucky. It’s not like she’s actually talented.”

How to Handle a JJ:

• Avoid Engaging in Gossip: Steer conversations away from gossip and negative talk. You can say, “I’d rather not talk about others behind their backs.”
• Highlight Positivity: Counter their negativity with positive comments. For example, “I think it’s great that they achieved that. Good for them!”
• Distance Yourself: Limit your interactions with them to protect your own positivity and well-being. Prioritize spending time with supportive and uplifting people.

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Frequent Gossip: They are constantly talking about others in a negative light.
• Critical Nature: They are quick to judge and criticize others, often without reason.
• Inconsistent Behavior: They may act friendly to someone’s face but speak badly about them behind their back.

Miranda Priestly, played by Meryl Streep in “The Devil Wears Prada,” is a great example of a JJ. Throughout the movie, Miranda constantly belittles and criticizes those around her, particularly her assistant, Andy. Her cutting remarks and her need to undermine others to maintain her position of power are clear! Check this video out:

The Fibber

I had a lot of liars in my life before I learned human lie detection. Liars, fibbers, exaggerators… it’s exhausting to have a toxic deceiver in your life. Whether they tell little falsehoods or major lies, it’s impossible to trust a liar in a relationship.

Dishonesty drains us because we are constantly doubting their words. If your intuition is ringing alarm bells, then watch out; get out before you’re lied to.

Things a Fibber Might Say:

• “I never said that” (when you know they did).
• “I was just about to tell you.”
• “You must have misunderstood me.”

How to Handle a Fibber:

• Seek Evidence: Politely ask for details or proof when you suspect dishonesty. For example, “Can you show me the email where that was mentioned?”
• Trust Your Gut: If something feels off, trust your instincts. It’s okay to question things that don’t add up.
• Set Consequences: Make it clear that dishonesty is unacceptable and outline the consequences for lying. For example, “I need honesty in our relationship, or we won’t be able to move forward.”

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Inconsistent Stories: Their stories frequently change or don’t add up.
• Defensiveness: They become defensive or aggressive when questioned.
• Overly Detailed Accounts: They provide unnecessary details to make their lies more believable.

The Tank

A tank crushes everything in its wake. A human tank is always right, doesn’t take anyone else’s feelings or ideas into account, and constantly puts themselves first. In a relationship, tanks are incredibly arrogant and see their personal opinions as facts. This is because they often think they are the smartest person in the room, so they see every conversation and person as a challenge that must be won over.

They rarely see others as equals—and this can be challenging when trying to form a loving connection. If you feel your ideas are being run over, or you are not being respected, get out while you still can!

Things a Tank Might Say:

• “You’re wrong, and here’s why.”
• “If you listened to me, you wouldn’t have this problem.”
• “I’m just being honest; you need to hear the truth.”

How to Handle a Tank:

• Stand Your Ground: Firmly but calmly express your opinions and feelings. For example, “I understand you see it differently, but this is important to me.”
• Use “I” Statements: Focus on your perspective to avoid confrontation. Say, “I feel disrespected when my ideas are dismissed.”
• Limit Interaction: Reduce the amount of time you spend with them if possible. Protect your mental well-being by keeping interactions brief and to the point.

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Dominance: They dominate conversations and make decisions without consulting others.
• Dismissiveness: They dismiss others’ ideas and feelings as unimportant or wrong.
• Lack of Empathy: They show little to no concern for how their actions or words affect others.

Dr. Gregory House, played by Hugh Laurie in the TV series “House M.D.,” is a quintessential tank. He constantly bulldozes over the opinions and feelings of his colleagues, believing his medical knowledge and diagnostic skills are superior to everyone else’s (even if they are!). 

His famous line, “Everybody lies,” showcases his dominant and cynical worldview:

The Gossiper

Gossipers thrive on drama and often spread rumors or share private information about others. They enjoy stirring the pot and creating conflicts, leaving you feeling uneasy and mistrustful. If someone constantly talks about others behind their backs, chances are they’re talking about you too.

In a relationship, these people will never keep your confidence and will use your secrets as currency in their drama.

Things a Gossiper Might Say:

• “Did you hear what happened to…?”
• “I really shouldn’t say this, but…”
• “You won’t believe what so-and-so did.”

How to Handle a Gossiper:

• Shut Down Gossip: Politely but firmly refuse to participate in gossip. Say, “I’d rather not discuss someone who isn’t here to defend themselves.”
• Protect Your Privacy: Keep your personal information to yourself. Don’t share secrets or sensitive information with someone who gossips.
• Change the Subject: Steer the conversation away from gossip to more neutral or positive topics. For example, “That’s interesting, but have you heard about…?”

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Constant Rumor-Spreading: They frequently share unverified stories or rumors about others.
• Betrayal of Confidence: They disclose information that was shared with them in confidence.
• Enjoyment of Drama: They seem to enjoy the chaos and conflict that their gossip creates.

The Competitor

The competitor is always in a silent contest with you. No matter what you achieve, they have to one-up you. This person turns everything into a competition, making it difficult to celebrate your successes without feeling undermined or overshadowed.

In a relationship, this constant rivalry can erode your self-esteem and make you feel like you’re never enough… even though they’re the ones who usually feel the most insecurity.

Things a Competitor Might Say:

• “Oh, you got a promotion? I got one last year that was even bigger.”
• “You ran a 5k? I just completed a marathon.”
• “I’ve done that before, but better.”

How to Handle a Competitor:

• Celebrate Quietly: Keep some achievements private and share only with those who genuinely support you. This limits their ability to compete.
• Deflect the Comparison: Politely redirect the conversation away from competition. Say, “I’m happy for both of us. Let’s focus on celebrating our successes.”

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Constant One-Upping: They always try to outdo your accomplishments, no matter how small.
• Undermining Success: They belittle or overshadow your achievements with their own.
• Competitive Conversations: Every discussion turns into a comparison or contest.

The Passive-Aggressive

Passive-aggressive individuals express their negative feelings indirectly. Instead of addressing issues openly, they make snide remarks, give backhanded compliments, or engage in subtle sabotage often out of anxiety of direct confrontation.

Their behavior can leave you feeling confused and frustrated, often doubting your perceptions. In a relationship, this can lead to a toxic cycle of miscommunication and resentment.

Things a Passive-Aggressive Might Say:

• “I guess I’ll do it, since no one else will.”
• “Oh, you’re going out again? Must be nice to have so much free time.”
• “I thought you knew what you were doing.”

How to Handle a Passive-Aggressive:

• Address Behavior Directly: Call out the behavior calmly and directly. For example, “It seems like something is bothering you. Can we talk about it?”
• Encourage Open Communication: Foster an environment where they feel safe expressing their feelings honestly. Say, “I’d rather you tell me directly if something is wrong.”

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Backhanded Compliments: They frequently give compliments that are actually disguised insults.
• Subtle Sabotage: They intentionally do things to undermine your efforts or create inconvenience.
• Avoidance of Direct Confrontation: They consistently avoid addressing issues directly, preferring indirect methods of expressing dissatisfaction.

Here’s an interesting example from the comedy show “Satuday Night Live” in which they showcase an extremely passive-aggressive manager named Pam:

The Victim

The victim never takes responsibility for their actions and always blames others for their misfortunes. They constantly seek sympathy and expect others to fix their problems. Being around a victim can be draining, as they refuse to empower themselves and rely heavily on your emotional support.

In a relationship, this dependency can stifle your growth and leave you feeling overwhelmed.

Things a Victim Might Say:

• “Why does this always happen to me?”
• “It’s not my fault, it’s theirs.”
• “I can’t do anything about it, I’m just unlucky.”

How to Handle a Victim:

• Encourage Responsibility: Gently prompt them to take responsibility for their actions. For example, “What do you think you can do to change the situation?”
• Promote Empowerment: Encourage them to find solutions and take proactive steps. Ask, “What’s one small thing you can do to improve this?”

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• Constant Blaming: They never take responsibility and always find someone else to blame for their problems.
• Seeking Sympathy: They frequently seek pity and expect others to solve their issues.
• Lack of Initiative: They show little to no effort in trying to improve their situation or take proactive steps.

The User

Users exploit your kindness and generosity for their gain. They only reach out when they need something and disappear once they get it. This one-sided relationship can leave you feeling used and unappreciated, draining your emotional resources without reciprocation. In a relationship, this imbalance can make you feel undervalued and taken for granted.

Things a User Might Say:

• “Can you do me a favor?”
• “I really need your help with this.”
• “You’re the only one I can count on.”

How to Handle a User:

• Say No: It’s important to decline requests that feel exploitative. You can say, “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you with that.”
• Seek Reciprocity: Encourage a more balanced relationship by asking for mutual support. For instance, “I helped you with this, can you help me with something next time?”

Red Flags to Watch Out For:

• One-Sided Requests: They only contact you when they need something and disappear afterward.
• Lack of Gratitude: They rarely show appreciation or reciprocate your kindness.
• Emotional Draining: You feel exhausted and unappreciated after interactions with them.

Bonus #1: Toxic People in Relationships

Draining, unsupportive, and difficult people are one of life’s greatest challenges, and it gets even more complicated in relationships. In this section, I want to dive into what toxic behavior looks like in relationships, the red flags to watch out for, and what you can do if you find yourself in one.

What Does Toxic Mean in a Relationship?

A toxic relationship is characterized by behaviors that are emotionally damaging, manipulative, or controlling. These relationships lack mutual respect, support, and healthy communication. Instead, they are filled with constant negativity, drama, and emotional turbulence. A toxic partner may exhibit jealousy, deceit, criticism, or selfishness, leaving you feeling unappreciated and emotionally exhausted.

For example, ave you ever felt like you were walking on eggshells around your partner? Sarah always did with her boyfriend, Mark. He constantly criticized her choices, from her career to her friends, making her feel like she couldn’t do anything right.

Whenever she tried to address her feelings, Mark would twist the conversation to make it seem like she was overreacting. Sarah realized she was losing her sense of self and decided to seek help from a licensed professional therapist. This helped her set boundaries and eventually leave the toxic relationship.

Red Flags to Look Out For:

• Constant Criticism: They regularly belittle or criticize you, undermining your self-esteem and making you feel inadequate.
• Control Issues: They want to control what you do, who you see, and how you think. Your independence is seen as a threat.
• Jealousy and Possessiveness: They display excessive jealousy and possessiveness, often accusing you of things you haven’t done.
• Manipulation: They use guilt, fear, or manipulation to get their way, making you question your own reality.
• Lack of Support: They are unsupportive of your goals and interests, focusing only on their own needs and desires.

What to Do in a Toxic Relationship:

1. Acknowledge the Problem: The first step is recognizing that you are in a toxic relationship. Denial will only prolong your suffering.
2. Set Boundaries: Clearly define what behaviors you will not tolerate. Communicate your boundaries firmly and stick to them.
3. Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can provide objective advice and emotional support.
4. Prioritize Self-Care: Focus on your own well-being. Engage in activities that make you happy and reduce stress.

Bonus #2: Dealing With Difficult People (The Effective Way)

Now that you know about the 7 types of toxic people, how do we deal with them effectively? You’ve got some of the basic tips, but here’s a more in-depth look into how to deal with difficult people (both in work and in relationships):

Eliminating Toxic People = Enhancing Your Life!

Did someone pop into your head as I explained these toxic personality types? If you have someone in your life whom you dread seeing, who doesn’t respect your opinions, or who makes you feel bad about yourself in any way, then you need to just say no. 

Do you feel:

• You have to constantly save this person and fix their problems
• You are covering up or hiding for them
• You dread seeing them
• You feel drained after being with them
• You get angry, sad or depressed when you are around them
• They cause you to gossip or be mean
• You feel you have to impress them
• You’re affected by their drama or problems
• They ignore your needs and don’t hear ‘no’

You deserve to have wonderful, supportive and loving people in your life. In fact, life is too short to spend time with people who don’t help you be your best self. I hope you will use this article as your immunization against toxic people!